Love Hurts
Thoughts of the book I read yesterday are still running through my head. The disturbing stereotypes and prejudice against Chinese people in America ring so true for me because I have seen it first hand with how Cici has been treated by her classmates and some of the teachers in school. I have seen first hand how deeply she has felt the cutting remarks based on her race and the perceived shape of her eyes. I say perceived shape because her eyes, like Ping's, are almond shaped, not narrow slits; almost as round as our eyes. Yet the insults still come.
For many months she was reluctant to speak in school, preferring not to feed the insults about how Asians speak. Say this word, classmates would sometimes ask, and then laugh in derision when the word was spoken. Asians are stupid, she would hear some of her classmates say. So over time she closed up, shutting out her black and brown classmates, and most of her white classmates as well. She became friends with her classmates who came from nearby countries: Korea and Vietnam. They too suffered the indignities that were brought on just because of their race and appearance, so the group clung together in school and out. They became the top students in their respective classes. Most of them are talented musicians as well. Most of them are very attractive and have great personalities.
I therefore believe that there are deeper reasons for the insults that are hurled at these Asian students by their classmates: jealousy, resentment, and perhaps even fear. They claim the top positions in their class, pushing down and stepping over those students who aren't willing to study as hard. They earn the admiration, albeit sometimes reluctantly given, of their teachers, some of whom have also been know to make disparaging remarks based on race or appearance, or to laugh when such remarks are made by students.
Cici has risen above the race and appearance issue, helped in part, I believe, by the fact that she has a round eyed father with whom she has been able to openly discuss these issues and the hurt and frustration that they have caused for her. Her spoken English is damn near perfect now, and her vocabulary has expanded in a remarkable way. She understands English grammar in a way that native born speakers in her class cannot equal, let alone exceed. She has become a force to be reckoned with in her class.
But I am still concerned, because I believe that the seeds of hurt sewn by prejudice and stereotyping grow slowly and are with a person for a lifetime. Cici will always have to deal with the scars left behind, and the struggle she will always face, just because of where she was born. Her American passport cannot change that any more than her American father can change it. It is a fact. This is America, with all its beauty and benefits, but also with its faults. Now though, she lives here by choice. She loves living here despite its faults.
But for now, and perhaps always, when it comes to love of a country, it will be China, because loving America would come with too much hurt.
For many months she was reluctant to speak in school, preferring not to feed the insults about how Asians speak. Say this word, classmates would sometimes ask, and then laugh in derision when the word was spoken. Asians are stupid, she would hear some of her classmates say. So over time she closed up, shutting out her black and brown classmates, and most of her white classmates as well. She became friends with her classmates who came from nearby countries: Korea and Vietnam. They too suffered the indignities that were brought on just because of their race and appearance, so the group clung together in school and out. They became the top students in their respective classes. Most of them are talented musicians as well. Most of them are very attractive and have great personalities.
I therefore believe that there are deeper reasons for the insults that are hurled at these Asian students by their classmates: jealousy, resentment, and perhaps even fear. They claim the top positions in their class, pushing down and stepping over those students who aren't willing to study as hard. They earn the admiration, albeit sometimes reluctantly given, of their teachers, some of whom have also been know to make disparaging remarks based on race or appearance, or to laugh when such remarks are made by students.
Cici has risen above the race and appearance issue, helped in part, I believe, by the fact that she has a round eyed father with whom she has been able to openly discuss these issues and the hurt and frustration that they have caused for her. Her spoken English is damn near perfect now, and her vocabulary has expanded in a remarkable way. She understands English grammar in a way that native born speakers in her class cannot equal, let alone exceed. She has become a force to be reckoned with in her class.
But I am still concerned, because I believe that the seeds of hurt sewn by prejudice and stereotyping grow slowly and are with a person for a lifetime. Cici will always have to deal with the scars left behind, and the struggle she will always face, just because of where she was born. Her American passport cannot change that any more than her American father can change it. It is a fact. This is America, with all its beauty and benefits, but also with its faults. Now though, she lives here by choice. She loves living here despite its faults.
But for now, and perhaps always, when it comes to love of a country, it will be China, because loving America would come with too much hurt.
Interesting post, & really hit a nerve with me.
In addition to discrimination against Asians from the black & brown community there is an amazing amount of crime directed against the Asians by them.
Talked recently to a Vietnamese police officer stationed at the sub station next to Welcome market & found the crime rate against Asians by the minorities is more extensive then I knew & I have 2 middle aged Chinese female friends that have be mugged, purse snatched in china town & 1 that was car jacked in the HongKong Mall parking lot, all three times by young black males.
I do not know how to instruct my wife to be aware of her environment & the people around her without instilling a racist attitude in her.
My 2 Caucasian sons where high achievers in high school & college & like to hang around with their Asian class mates due to common interest of doing well academically where a lot of their white friends could care less, & didn't like the Asians as they made them look bad.
I have also found the many of my white female friends & relatives are real sour pusses about my Asian wife, 2 have said to me something like "gee I always thought men that married Asians where losers that could not deal with a strong independent woman" My guess is that they feel threaten that their husband may decide as I did that strong independent women are just not worth the problems.
You have a lovely family, both wife & daughter & I hope that the societal problems in this country do not cause them to think negatively about coming here, the fact is they, do to their efforts, with enjoy a better life here than the people who cause them problems.
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Thanks Harry. Awareness is a good beginning for dealing with the crime issue. Ping heard about it from her Chinese girl friends, and not just from me, so they have their network on high alert as well. Hong Kong Mall usually has so many people there that one would think it would be a safe area, but come to think of it, I don't recall seeing any security people in the parking lots.
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Hong Kong Mall is still somewhat busy on sunday but during the week its dead now. Over half of the business in the food court have closed as have many of the retail shops. The HK Market is doing about half the volume of its peak. About a year or so ago I looked into buying the Tapioca shop on the west end of the mall & did a good bit of research & due diligence then passed on the business.
What I found was that over the last several years there has been a almost doubling of commercial space in china town, examples are Golden market mall, VietHoa mall drive up & down Bellaire & notice all the recent developments which opened up space for new business. The limiting factor in business development for many years was lack of available space, so with new space came new business but the amount of business started has grown many times more than the available population to support them. Double the markets & restaurants over ~3 years & grow the population maybe 5-7% & something has to give. Golden Market for example is never busy even on sunday, I hope they are at least breaking even but would not be surprised if they aren't bleeding cash. Some of the new business are doing very well, couple of the restaurants & shops & VitHoa Market is always busy but that business came from someone else. Add in a bit of recession although not to bad in Houston & some frills like security guard are cut. Would still like to buy or start a small simple business for my wife & friends to have something of their own but it will have to be latter.
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When we do go to Hong Kong Mall, which is rarely, we usually stop at that Tapioca place you mentioned, but about three purchases in two years doesn't provide much additional business for it. I dislike driving past Golden to go outside the Beltway because of the traffic. The girls also resist going to Hong Kong Mall, as they have seen nothing in it they like. What pulls us out that way sometimes is to experience Ocean Palace - usually to introduce someone else to the experience.
One place in Chinatown that stays pretty consistently busy is the Welcome Center, as I am sure you know. Ping doesn't like to shop there as much as I do, but she acknowledges that it is the best place to go for some things.
You are right that there are just more options available these days. Our favorite food market isn't even in Chinatown; it is in what some people call Korea town. I am talking about H-Mart. Just down the street, in the store we don't like, Ping has found Cici's favorite breads, so we sometimes stop while she runs in at 99 Ranch Market to get them.
Golden is an enjoyable shopping experience because it isn't crowded, as you said, but it is more expensive and lacks some of the things that are important to Chinese people, so the bigger crowds are still at Welcome. Across from Golden is the Dong Hua Center, I believe it is called, and it has a surprising number of new businesses, but the failure rate and hence turnover seems to be fairly high.
Viet Hua is also an enjoyable shopping experience but we have only been there a couple of times both because it is outside the Beltway and because it doesn't have many of the things that Ping likes to buy for cooking.
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Guess my earlier post was off track when the subject is discrimination, sorry about that.
There will always be discrimination. In China the urban look down on the rural & migrant workers. Here the ABC's look down on the CBC's. The educated & illiterates each disciminate against each other. Rich & poor dislike each other. One off my wife's english school class mates is married to a black man & she is somewhat ostracized as a result. Hard on young people as they do not have the experience to put in perspective.
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We don't worry about being on track here, Harry. If we did many of my posts would be out of order.
Yes, unfortunately there is discrimination wherever one looks in the world, and those who discriminate are in turn discriminated against by others.
Cici has nothing in common with the only other Chinese who attends her school. The girl is Cici's age but she is an ABC. For anyone who doesn't know, that stands for American Born Chinese, and it is fairly common terminology in the Chinese community. With Cici and Ping, though, the tables are reversed when they meet a typical ABC. They can't even speak Chinese, is their reaction, and then they feel sorry for them.
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Welcome is our 'go to' store. I have shopped there for at least a decade. Although I did not meet my wife there it is because of shopping there that I was introduced to her so it will always be a special place in our lives.
Hong Kong, Viet Hoa, & many others are Vietnamese so never quite right for the Chinese.
As to welcome, we fill the cart with vegetables, leave with 6-8 bags & the bill is only around 20$ most times. several x's month we will resupply fungus, mushrooms, etc & add another 10 but its cheap to buy there. The only meat we buy there is ground pork @ 1.30/#, but a pound will last a month with out uses.
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Sounds a lot like our shopping style, Harry, except we transitioned most of it to H-Mart once it opened. Its fresh vegetables are usually in better condition than those at Welcome and it is not as crowded except around the vegetables, where a lot of shoppers tend to congregate. If we want the thinly sliced lamb for hot pot or the ground pork, Ping prefers Welcome. 99 Ranch Market is supposed to be more for Chinese people, but we tried it once and didn't like it, primarily because they prepackage their fresh vegetables, leaving no discretion to the shopper. Sometimes Welcome does that with its lotus root, but at H-Mart we can break off and purchase whichever portions we want.
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We have never been to H-Mart but understand it is a great market.
Since we live only a mile from Welcome its almost a 30 drive for us & we have never made the time to check it out.
My son lives close to where you indicated you live, so will make a point to hit H-Mart on my next visit to his house.
Checked their web sit & the photos of the produce section http://www.hmart.com/company_new/shop_store.asp?store_code=HST#
look great.
Did go to 99 when they opened but like you found it lacking.
Your family will be back soon so you will need to stock up when they return.
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As you may be able to tell from the photos, it is an enjoyable shopping experience. They have great photos on their site, but there is no straight shot down the primary aisle of the produce section; the aisle that holds the fabulous fresh vegetables. Similarly, the fish department photo, if taken in the other direction, would show the cases that contain fresh fish on ice and the tanks with swimming fish. On that end, behind those cases, are the guys to clean and trim to fish to order.
I am looking forward to stock up time when the girls return. I understand why you wouldn't go to H-Mart as often, but it is very easy for us because we drive within a quarter mile of it on the way home every day.
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