How many teenage girls who really, really want to try a different color with their hair will follow the wishes of their father?  Cici has had the desire for more than a year to try brown hair.  Ping was okay with the idea but I didn't think it was a good idea.  Cici and I have had many conversations about it for nearly a year.  I can always change it back, Cici pointed out.  Her idea was to change the color while she is in China.  The day after Ping arrived the girls headed to the shop to get their hair done. 

The night before they went, Cici tried one more time with me.  Just say it is okay, she asked me.  She didn't make a big issue of it and I didn't tell her not to make the change.   I won't tell you what to do, I told her, because you need to make the decision.  I can only tell you my feeling about it, which is that I think it would be a mistake and that you will regret it, I told her.  You are very beautiful just the way you are.  We left it at that.  She was sleeping that night when Ping pointed the webcam at her to show me her hair.  She left her hair unchanged except for a slight trim and adding a little bit of curl to it.

This is a child who has a very strong personality.  She is assertive and will defend her point of view.  She is not someone who can be pushed around.  She will stand up to her mother and at times there is a battle of the wills when Ping insists that something be done in a particular way, or when she denies Cici something that she really wants.  There was a pair of shoes that she really wanted when she got to China, for example.  Ping felt that they were impractical and wouldn't be worn much.  Cici was deeply disappointed but after thinking it through, she talked rationally with me about it and decided that Mama was right.

I don't engage in a battle of the wills with her.  I believe that Cici knows she can have whatever she wants, within reason, but she doesn't push for it.  It is enough to know that she could have it if she wants it.  I think that is what happened with the hair color.  She knew she could change the color and please herself, but she also knew that I would be disappointed.  Her desire to be filial carried the day.  She doesn't just have a home in Houston -- she has a father -- and she wants to come home to both of them.