Legs That Don't Touch
Look Papa, my legs don't touch, Cici told me a few days ago. She was standing straight and pointing at the calves of her legs. When she wasn't watching, whatever baby fat she may have had has disappeared as her body has become more mature. That is what I have been telling you, Cici, you look very nice and you don't need to lose any weight, I told her.
No, I think I need to lose 15 pounds, she responded. She has not factored in the fact that as you grow taller, your body can handle more weight without being overweight. We have had a similar discussion many times, with her insisting that she needs to lose weight, and me defending how she looks now. Guess my weight, I told her. Two hundred, she guessed. No, 192, I told her. Oh Papa, that isn't fair, she told me.
She knew that I gained 8 pounds after she and Ping arrived, which took me to 208. Then we had the reverse of the discussion about weight. I weigh too much so I will lose weight now, I told Cici and Ping. No, they both said, you should gain weight, not lose weight. But it came off, a pound at a time, especially while Ping was in China. It hit a plateau at 198 for a while, and then it started coming off again. Look Cici, my legs don't touch either!
Ping listens to the easy going relationship that Cici and I have developed with each other, and she uses it to her advantage. If she wants Cici to do something that she knows will not be well received by her, she uses me as the enforcer. She always listens to you the first time you ask her to do something, Ping says. So last night Ping asked me to tell Cici that she must still turn off her computer by 10:00 and be in bed asleep by 11:00 even during her school vacation.
That seemed to be a little too restrictive to me, so I negotiated for Cici. How about turning off the computer by 11:00 and being in bed asleep by 12:00? I asked Ping. Wouldn't that be okay when she is on vacation from school? Yes, that would be okay, Ping said. So I called Cici. She came into our home office, seemingly aware that something was up. She sat cross legged in the recliner, facing me, a smile playing across her face.
I told her that Mama and I felt like needed to go to bed at a reasonable time even when she is on school vacation. She laughed. I stayed up until 3:00 this morning, she told me, but I was cleaning my room and my bathroom in preparation for Thanksgiving.
I am happy you keep your room and your bathroom so neat and clean, I told her. Now that you finished doing that, do you agree that it would be reasonable to turn off your computer every night by 11:00 and be in bed asleep by 12:00 while you are on vacation from school? Yes Papa, she said, I will do that. She was still happy and smiling. Ping was somewhat amazed.
Cici really wants to please you, Ping told me later. It is so easy for you to convince her to do something. Maybe it is because I don't start by trying to force her to do something, I suggested. I just talk with her about things and we agree on them. Sometimes she offers other ideas for me to consider, and I always listen to them. Maybe it is easier because I haven't always been the enforcer, and she looks at me differently because of that. Maybe it is because she has learned that I try to be reasonable about things, and that I include her in the decision-making process.
Whatever it is, it works. And for perhaps the same reason, Cici is still imploring me to find a way to go to China with her and Ping next summer. Her eyes start shining when she talks about it with me. She has many places she wants to take me, many things to show me, she told me. She also wants me to be there when she sees her family in China for the first time in two years. I am so excited, she keeps telling me. Can't you please find a way to come back with us?
Hmmm.
No, I think I need to lose 15 pounds, she responded. She has not factored in the fact that as you grow taller, your body can handle more weight without being overweight. We have had a similar discussion many times, with her insisting that she needs to lose weight, and me defending how she looks now. Guess my weight, I told her. Two hundred, she guessed. No, 192, I told her. Oh Papa, that isn't fair, she told me.
She knew that I gained 8 pounds after she and Ping arrived, which took me to 208. Then we had the reverse of the discussion about weight. I weigh too much so I will lose weight now, I told Cici and Ping. No, they both said, you should gain weight, not lose weight. But it came off, a pound at a time, especially while Ping was in China. It hit a plateau at 198 for a while, and then it started coming off again. Look Cici, my legs don't touch either!
Ping listens to the easy going relationship that Cici and I have developed with each other, and she uses it to her advantage. If she wants Cici to do something that she knows will not be well received by her, she uses me as the enforcer. She always listens to you the first time you ask her to do something, Ping says. So last night Ping asked me to tell Cici that she must still turn off her computer by 10:00 and be in bed asleep by 11:00 even during her school vacation.
That seemed to be a little too restrictive to me, so I negotiated for Cici. How about turning off the computer by 11:00 and being in bed asleep by 12:00? I asked Ping. Wouldn't that be okay when she is on vacation from school? Yes, that would be okay, Ping said. So I called Cici. She came into our home office, seemingly aware that something was up. She sat cross legged in the recliner, facing me, a smile playing across her face.
I told her that Mama and I felt like needed to go to bed at a reasonable time even when she is on school vacation. She laughed. I stayed up until 3:00 this morning, she told me, but I was cleaning my room and my bathroom in preparation for Thanksgiving.
I am happy you keep your room and your bathroom so neat and clean, I told her. Now that you finished doing that, do you agree that it would be reasonable to turn off your computer every night by 11:00 and be in bed asleep by 12:00 while you are on vacation from school? Yes Papa, she said, I will do that. She was still happy and smiling. Ping was somewhat amazed.
Cici really wants to please you, Ping told me later. It is so easy for you to convince her to do something. Maybe it is because I don't start by trying to force her to do something, I suggested. I just talk with her about things and we agree on them. Sometimes she offers other ideas for me to consider, and I always listen to them. Maybe it is easier because I haven't always been the enforcer, and she looks at me differently because of that. Maybe it is because she has learned that I try to be reasonable about things, and that I include her in the decision-making process.
Whatever it is, it works. And for perhaps the same reason, Cici is still imploring me to find a way to go to China with her and Ping next summer. Her eyes start shining when she talks about it with me. She has many places she wants to take me, many things to show me, she told me. She also wants me to be there when she sees her family in China for the first time in two years. I am so excited, she keeps telling me. Can't you please find a way to come back with us?
Hmmm.
Lee, it seems that your daughter really eants her Papa with her in China, besides, don't you think it might be time to return and see those friends and family you haven't seen since you were there before Ping and Cici have come here?
You have been working very hard and it's been a while since the last vecation to China as a family.... right? so will the company fold up and blow away if your gone for two weeks?, will your daughter be very disappointed that her Papa could not go with her?
I'm not trying to be a butt about this, justy trying to show how Cici might see it, which is more important to her Papa?
Good luck Lee, you might need it on this one.
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Yes, I really want to go with the girls this summer, Michael. For business reasons I also need to go to China. It is just a question of how to juggle my schedule to allow me to take care of things in two places in the world at the same time. The girls know how busy I am here, so they aren't pressuring me too much. I know it is important to them, though, so I am doing my best to arrange a way to go with them.
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I was just thinking that this trip, if you were to go, would be a prefect ending for the second book, with an epilog reflecting on the change in the relationship from when you first met her.
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The longer I am with the girls, the more that book keeps changing, Smitty. I am thinking about turning it into a saga.
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