I Swear
In the infinite wisdom of our government, or at least one or more of the people who work in it, Cici has received a letter with instructions to appear on December 9, 2009 for a swearing in ceremony as a U.S. citizen. We have no choice but to jump through their hoops, but she has been a U.S. citizen since May 11, 2009. All they need to do is mail or hand the certificate of citizenship to her. But the 9th is a lucky day, and Cici is on a 9 day holiday from school, so it could be worse.
I had called the number listed on the USCIS website last week so I could inquire on the status of her application. The phone system was set up in a way that made it impossible to get to a live person by following the prompts. I finally lied to them and said she had lost her receipt number (they don't issue receipt numbers for N-600 applications for certificates of citizenship, so I couldn't put in a receipt number). This got me past that part of the screening tree, but there was no way to make a choice that would take me further.
After several attempts, I called the number and responded to nothing. I just held the line. Aha, the computer thought, I have someone calling from a rotary phone, so they can't respond to my questions. After a bit a man answered my call, speaking rapidly in Spanish with no pauses. I have no idea what he said. When he finally stopped talking, I asked him if he spoke English, and told him that I hadn't understood anything he said.
Oh yes, I speak English, he said in perfect English. You called in on the Hispanic line so I spoke in Spanish. Now I will have to go through all of it again in English. The Hispanic line? Hmmm. Only Hispanics have rotary phones, I guess.
But the absurdity got even worse. I told him why I was calling, but he had a list of questions that he was going to ask me no matter what got in his way. None of them had any relevance to my call. Nor did he have any idea that receipt numbers are not issued for N-600's. Please with himself for having done all that he had been trained to do, he announced that he couldn't help me so he would transfer me to someone who could help. Is there anything else I can do to help you, he inquired?
You know where this story is going. He transferred the call but it got disconnected, so I called back again and did the same drill. This time I got a woman. She had gone through the same training. Same questions. Same irrelevance. But at least she finally listened to why I was really calling. Oh, let me check on the status, she told me. I can access the up to date information from the Houston USCIS District Office.
I see what the problem is, she said, they are only processing applications filed on May 3, 2009 right now. Look at it closely, I told her. It says that they were processing May 3 applications as of September 30. Today is November 19. Their website was just changed to indicate that they are processing applications within 6 months, and to call this number if we haven't received anything from them yet. It has been over six months. That is why I am calling. Well, I can't go any further into the system because it shows that they are working on May 3 applications, she told me. Is there anything else I can do to help you?
Two days later, on Saturday November 21, we received the letter instructing Cici to attend the swearing in ceremony on December 9.
I swear.
I had called the number listed on the USCIS website last week so I could inquire on the status of her application. The phone system was set up in a way that made it impossible to get to a live person by following the prompts. I finally lied to them and said she had lost her receipt number (they don't issue receipt numbers for N-600 applications for certificates of citizenship, so I couldn't put in a receipt number). This got me past that part of the screening tree, but there was no way to make a choice that would take me further.
After several attempts, I called the number and responded to nothing. I just held the line. Aha, the computer thought, I have someone calling from a rotary phone, so they can't respond to my questions. After a bit a man answered my call, speaking rapidly in Spanish with no pauses. I have no idea what he said. When he finally stopped talking, I asked him if he spoke English, and told him that I hadn't understood anything he said.
Oh yes, I speak English, he said in perfect English. You called in on the Hispanic line so I spoke in Spanish. Now I will have to go through all of it again in English. The Hispanic line? Hmmm. Only Hispanics have rotary phones, I guess.
But the absurdity got even worse. I told him why I was calling, but he had a list of questions that he was going to ask me no matter what got in his way. None of them had any relevance to my call. Nor did he have any idea that receipt numbers are not issued for N-600's. Please with himself for having done all that he had been trained to do, he announced that he couldn't help me so he would transfer me to someone who could help. Is there anything else I can do to help you, he inquired?
You know where this story is going. He transferred the call but it got disconnected, so I called back again and did the same drill. This time I got a woman. She had gone through the same training. Same questions. Same irrelevance. But at least she finally listened to why I was really calling. Oh, let me check on the status, she told me. I can access the up to date information from the Houston USCIS District Office.
I see what the problem is, she said, they are only processing applications filed on May 3, 2009 right now. Look at it closely, I told her. It says that they were processing May 3 applications as of September 30. Today is November 19. Their website was just changed to indicate that they are processing applications within 6 months, and to call this number if we haven't received anything from them yet. It has been over six months. That is why I am calling. Well, I can't go any further into the system because it shows that they are working on May 3 applications, she told me. Is there anything else I can do to help you?
Two days later, on Saturday November 21, we received the letter instructing Cici to attend the swearing in ceremony on December 9.
I swear.
I can hardly wait until they run the health system, but I fully understand your amazement at the USCIS, horrible bunch of fumble bums. Yesterday my wife finally got her approval of permanent status letter, green card to be mailed within 3 weeks. My 1st filling for I.130 & I.485 required a filling fee of $1010.00 which I sent -- got a letter back 'we are returning your check for 1010 as it is incorrect, please resubmit with the correct fee of 1010' ??, so I resubmited again with an identical check for 1010 which they accepted, only got worse from then on.
No wonder we have such an illegal problem.
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Congratulations on getting through that part of the process successfully, Harry. Your wife's green card will probably arrive this week before the holiday. Sometimes the green card arrives before the letter announcing its issuance arrives.
Your story about the check being rejected for being the "wrong" amount is priceless, but unfortunately all too typical.
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the check return was just the start of dealing with them, I am educated as an accountant & spent my life dealing with various government agencies & reporting, know how to read & follow their instructions, but for PC or diversity they have the dumbest employees but of course its your job to deal with them daily so I am sure you have your own stories & frustrations
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I swear, that I just start pressing random numbers! I end up confusing the system and get sent to a human. Or kicked out of the system...
Good to hear that the swearing in ceremony is on the 9th. Does she have two vacations in December?
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