Good Press and Changing Dynamics
There is no way to tell this story without it sounding like I am patting myself on the back, because that is exactly what I am doing. If I don't tell the story, though, the evolution of my relationship with Cici will be missing a link. Besides, I am rather proud of what happened. 
Every day we trudge along, just doing what needs to be done. Then occasionally, when we least expect it, we are rewarded for our efforts. That happened to me today, and I must say it swelled my head.
Cici told me last night that you are the best Papa, Ping told me this morning. The two of them worked until 3:00 this morning cleaning the house and organizing Cici's bedroom. They apparently talked a great deal as well. Cici also told me that her classmates tell her that she is so lucky, because she has the best father, Ping reported. They see how you treat her, and she tells them how much you help her, so they think she is very lucky.
Cici agrees with her classmates, Ping continued. She really loves you and thinks you are the best father that she could possibly have. She has grown to be very close to you, and she said that you took very good care of her while I was gone.
Then Ping watched closely tonight and smiled as Cici pulled her chair close to mine at the desk in our home office, Chemistry book in hand, and we began to study and complete her homework. She left us to our studies and cooked dinner for us. After we ate dinner, Ping started washing the dishes. I spoke with her in a voice that Cici could not hear and told her that this year, Cici doesn't need as much time to study. She can take care of the dishes and clean the kitchen after you cook, I suggested. This is not like last year when she needed every available moment to study.
A short time later Cici came to see me in our home office. You told Mama that I can wash the dishes now? But she had a big grin on her face, as though she had been busted. Yes, remember we talked about this before Mama came home. Don't you agree that you have time to help Mama now? You don't need as much time to study as you did last year, don't you agree? She accepted her new responsibility without complaint, which I think made Ping feel good, and I know it made me feel good.
Yesterday evening Cici wanted to have her hair styled and cut just a bit. She had waited for Ping to return from China before she asked me to schedule an appointment for her. Through a series of text messages with some of her classmates, she got a recommendation for a place, and a general description of a person in the place, who they said could style her hair. I got on the Internet and through a combination of deductive reasoning and lucky guesses, I booked an appointment for her with the correct person.
By the time we needed to leave to get to the appointment, Ping had fallen asleep and we wanted to let her nap for a while. Shall I call and reschedule your appointment so that Mama can go with you? I asked. No, Papa, you and I can go, Cici replied. That surprised me, because getting her hair styled is a big deal for her. The stylist did a great job, fortunately, and Cici was ecstatic with the result. Now I just need to color my hair brown, Cici told me.
This has been an ongoing discussion between us lately. Be proud of your heritage. Be proud of your beautiful black hair. But can't I try it just once? I will change it back, she has told me. Mama said I could try it, she told me. Really? I think Mama will agree with me, I told her. You know that I always try to please you, Cici, but this is something that I think would be a big mistake. I don't want to disappoint you, but I believe you should not color your hair.
The surprising thing to me was that Cici accepted me as the final decision maker, no matter what Ping had told her. Moreover, as soon as Ping heard my point of view, she agreed with it. Cici didn't pout about it or continue to make an issue of it. She begged and presented her point of view as teenagers will do, but when the decision was made, the matter was resolved without further discussion.
I think what we have seen, now that Ping is back, is a reflection of the change in the dynamics of our family because of the long summer that Cici and I spent together. We are each more sure of our respective roles in our family. I am no longer just an outsider who ended up living with these two beautiful Chinese ladies. We are no longer a makeshift family, thrust together by circumstances, albeit circumstances of our choosing. We are, in every sense of the word, a family.
Every day we trudge along, just doing what needs to be done. Then occasionally, when we least expect it, we are rewarded for our efforts. That happened to me today, and I must say it swelled my head.
Cici told me last night that you are the best Papa, Ping told me this morning. The two of them worked until 3:00 this morning cleaning the house and organizing Cici's bedroom. They apparently talked a great deal as well. Cici also told me that her classmates tell her that she is so lucky, because she has the best father, Ping reported. They see how you treat her, and she tells them how much you help her, so they think she is very lucky.
Cici agrees with her classmates, Ping continued. She really loves you and thinks you are the best father that she could possibly have. She has grown to be very close to you, and she said that you took very good care of her while I was gone.
Then Ping watched closely tonight and smiled as Cici pulled her chair close to mine at the desk in our home office, Chemistry book in hand, and we began to study and complete her homework. She left us to our studies and cooked dinner for us. After we ate dinner, Ping started washing the dishes. I spoke with her in a voice that Cici could not hear and told her that this year, Cici doesn't need as much time to study. She can take care of the dishes and clean the kitchen after you cook, I suggested. This is not like last year when she needed every available moment to study.
A short time later Cici came to see me in our home office. You told Mama that I can wash the dishes now? But she had a big grin on her face, as though she had been busted. Yes, remember we talked about this before Mama came home. Don't you agree that you have time to help Mama now? You don't need as much time to study as you did last year, don't you agree? She accepted her new responsibility without complaint, which I think made Ping feel good, and I know it made me feel good.
Yesterday evening Cici wanted to have her hair styled and cut just a bit. She had waited for Ping to return from China before she asked me to schedule an appointment for her. Through a series of text messages with some of her classmates, she got a recommendation for a place, and a general description of a person in the place, who they said could style her hair. I got on the Internet and through a combination of deductive reasoning and lucky guesses, I booked an appointment for her with the correct person.
By the time we needed to leave to get to the appointment, Ping had fallen asleep and we wanted to let her nap for a while. Shall I call and reschedule your appointment so that Mama can go with you? I asked. No, Papa, you and I can go, Cici replied. That surprised me, because getting her hair styled is a big deal for her. The stylist did a great job, fortunately, and Cici was ecstatic with the result. Now I just need to color my hair brown, Cici told me.
This has been an ongoing discussion between us lately. Be proud of your heritage. Be proud of your beautiful black hair. But can't I try it just once? I will change it back, she has told me. Mama said I could try it, she told me. Really? I think Mama will agree with me, I told her. You know that I always try to please you, Cici, but this is something that I think would be a big mistake. I don't want to disappoint you, but I believe you should not color your hair.
The surprising thing to me was that Cici accepted me as the final decision maker, no matter what Ping had told her. Moreover, as soon as Ping heard my point of view, she agreed with it. Cici didn't pout about it or continue to make an issue of it. She begged and presented her point of view as teenagers will do, but when the decision was made, the matter was resolved without further discussion.
I think what we have seen, now that Ping is back, is a reflection of the change in the dynamics of our family because of the long summer that Cici and I spent together. We are each more sure of our respective roles in our family. I am no longer just an outsider who ended up living with these two beautiful Chinese ladies. We are no longer a makeshift family, thrust together by circumstances, albeit circumstances of our choosing. We are, in every sense of the word, a family.
I agree - When Asians color their hair it just looks, well, odd.
Glad to read that you are finally feeling like a family man again!
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