The Outsiders
Papa, now I know how you feel when you are in China with Mama and me, Cici told me Friday night as we drove back to the hotel. I knew exactly what she meant, though she might have been surprised by my response. We had just completed consecutive afternoons and evenings surrounded by members of our extended family. By and large, none of them, except my mother, need a talk button pressed in order to engage in a conversation. If you just sit back and watch, you might at times think that some of them are engaged in the verbal equivalent of a three-way on Instant Messenger.
Cici was not being critical, nor was I, but we each reached the same conclusion from our observations. We have experienced the same thing in China, you see. In China, however, I don't speak the language. But it is more than that, as Cici observed. In China, I typically have little to nothing in common with those who fill a restaurant table or a living room with Ping and Cici and me. The talk just swirls around me, sucking the oxygen from the air, much as it did with Cici and me as we sat with our extended family in America. I have nothing in common (other than blood) with my extended family in America either, but in either place, I am comfortable just watching. I can get a lot of thinking done in that kind of setting.
But this is where I think I surprised Cici a bit. Did you know that I felt the same way as you did yesterday and today? I asked her. As I sat there with you, I knew how you were feeling because as long as I can remember I have felt the same way with my family. It felt like we were watching everyone through a window. I grew up feeling that way. We were there, but we were not there. We weren't being anti-social, but the threads of conversations had no connections to our lives, so we mostly just watched. We even watched when we called Ping on my cell phone and everyone passed it around the room, each person in turn talking with her. We might as well have been in China with her.
We concluded that we have more in common with each other, and more to talk about, even though we come from different countries and have known each other for only a short time. So we drove through the afternoon and evening yesterday and slept in our own home last night rather than driving back today as originally planned. I need to spend much of today in the office anyway, and tomorrow someone has a big birthday. I know exactly where to take her for her birthday lunch or dinner, and it is a place that would hold no attraction for those with whom we spent the past few days. Tokyo One. We are back in our space, content to continue in our role as the outsiders.
Cici was not being critical, nor was I, but we each reached the same conclusion from our observations. We have experienced the same thing in China, you see. In China, however, I don't speak the language. But it is more than that, as Cici observed. In China, I typically have little to nothing in common with those who fill a restaurant table or a living room with Ping and Cici and me. The talk just swirls around me, sucking the oxygen from the air, much as it did with Cici and me as we sat with our extended family in America. I have nothing in common (other than blood) with my extended family in America either, but in either place, I am comfortable just watching. I can get a lot of thinking done in that kind of setting.
But this is where I think I surprised Cici a bit. Did you know that I felt the same way as you did yesterday and today? I asked her. As I sat there with you, I knew how you were feeling because as long as I can remember I have felt the same way with my family. It felt like we were watching everyone through a window. I grew up feeling that way. We were there, but we were not there. We weren't being anti-social, but the threads of conversations had no connections to our lives, so we mostly just watched. We even watched when we called Ping on my cell phone and everyone passed it around the room, each person in turn talking with her. We might as well have been in China with her.
We concluded that we have more in common with each other, and more to talk about, even though we come from different countries and have known each other for only a short time. So we drove through the afternoon and evening yesterday and slept in our own home last night rather than driving back today as originally planned. I need to spend much of today in the office anyway, and tomorrow someone has a big birthday. I know exactly where to take her for her birthday lunch or dinner, and it is a place that would hold no attraction for those with whom we spent the past few days. Tokyo One. We are back in our space, content to continue in our role as the outsiders.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY Cici and I send you good luck and best wishes, I hope you have many more with your family.
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The birthday girl appreciated your birthday wishes, Michael. Not everyone had good things to say to her.
Cici was still awake and eating hot wings about 12:30 this morning when I came to the home office to ask why she was still awake. Papa, someone on my blog said I am a liar and called me a bad name, she told me. They didn't believe that I was just fifteen years old until today. Male or female? I asked. They use a female picture (avatar) but I think it is a male, she told me.
Probably some teenage boy's backhanded way of flirting with you, I thought. Perhaps your posts have been more mature than those of the typical fifteen year old, I suggested to her. She was pretty agitated about the name calling, but I didn't ask her for details. It might not translate well anyway.
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Back in second grade there was a girl, who sat next to me, that stabbed me in the legs every day with her pencil. The adults all said that was the way she showed her interest in me. That was at eight. By the time one gets into high school, one should not be using harmful acts to attract the other sex!
Sometimes people are idiots, and you can either get them to correct their ways, or learn to ignore them. Unless they have really sharp #2 pencils, that is! I'm fairly certain, that in your profession you have seen plenty of similar incidents, and since you are in the mediation business this might be a fine opportunity to show Angela how that process works.
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Glad I'm not the only one...
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Smitty, Ping and Cici and I have decided to dance to our own beat. In future years, we will travel and visit when it is convenient for the three of us rather than being tied to a date in August that just doesn't work well for us. Ping likes the idea of traveling during semester break at the end of the year. Works for me. Cici also seems to like that idea.
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That is the payoff strategy!
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